Sunday, December 31, 2000

End Stage Liver Disease..how Long



Monday, October 2
Elodie name tonight for a last-minute support on the composition of a philosophical analysis. (...)
Wednesday, I plead my case before Fr G., promoted to National Director of Galen: Achieving a gross payment of 250 F per hour seminar given. The work of reading eight books and the preparation of speeches on topics ever justify what new special tariff status.
The war between Israel and Palestine away just over the peace process. The plague of the Middle East deserve a more expeditious settlement.

Tuesday, October 3, 1:30
In last night on the phone, Aurora I'll probably see for my 31 years, during a visit to Paris next weekend. Still in his closet in Paris, a love in Greece and a lovely voice. It makes me realize that we've known for ten years. It's the end of 1990 that I dared to go around a table where she was facing, library Cujas near the Sorbonne, to speak to him. Sorrows and anxieties were to follow, but I do not regret to have shared these moments with her dense. Friday, October 6


At three o'clock in the morning, thirty-one cycles to my teeth. The shell is thirty years his blazing speed, but anxiety Death does not creep, unless a serious illness do come to me gnaw. For now, my fitness is Olympian.
For this anniversary, I express a tour of pater-mater with bonus interviews scheduled with Claire D. (Very pretty minitellienne met last year), Dawn (my first love) and Marianne D. B. (Near the bottom in the time of the Rue Mouffetard). Three lovely young women for thirty-one candles ... but just watch. The case of the PERC
fell into the water. My inexperience in primary school has mortgaged the proposal. I still requested a revaluation of the hourly rate for seminars pharmacy and medicine.
Day decisive Pople unleashed in Yugoslavia. Taking Parliament, television and rallying of the army and police. Hope that Milosevic does not know the sordid fate that had been reserved for Ceausescu.
The attempt to reconcile, in Paris, Israeli and Palestinian leaders ultimately failed, contrary to what the statement foreshadowed a bit hasty, albeit at a late hour of the night, President Chirac announced that a "significant step". Without doubt a blow from fatigue ...
Clinton is next to send an invitation, the two enemies, for Washington. This peace process has all of a Gas with pets unwanted pregnancy and murderers.

[E-mail to Claire D.]
Sunday, October 8, 11:36 p.m.
Subject: Thank you, dear Claire
Really happy to have shared those moments in your company ... a little morose at having to join my capital of Gaul. You
detect in someone who knows how quickly it could be for you ... can I have the scoop on what my attendance has revealed to you,?
Hold me aware of changes in your situation, and if you need assistance of any kind whatsoever, you can count on me.
With all my affection.

Monday, October 9, 0:30
Back lutéciennes overcrowded lands. I have never seen the pater who has just pushed my coming. Reading my Journal and some peaks which were addressed to him have not liked the point of not being able to digest them. The sacrosanct image he probably thought it is found to emerge shaken. He must write a letter. Stay tuned.
Very pleasant moments with the lovely Claire D. Her eyes bothers me but I know deep it is not for me: a character too free in its approach to the couple. In it must be divine lover. Above all, what is important is to develop a relationship with her accomplice and sustainable.
Dawn went well: always touching to see it evolve, more women take mine.
But not seen Marianne D. .. Unable to attach to secure the appointment.
The Middle East Will he give us the sad spectacle of the first war of the twenty-first century? Belligerent hatred between Palestinians and Israelis reached a dangerous intensity.

[Heim E-mail] to
09.10
24:16 Subject: I have received everything
Dear Heim
Thank you for e-mail and telephone short message.
How are pain in your hands?
I hope to come soon for me to regale you with.
I kiss you hard. (Have you received my proposed mitigation for my Journal ?)

[E-mail to Marianne D.]
09.10 to 12.20
Subject: Re: London-Paris
Dear Marianne,
It is unfortunate that we could not see us. I vainly tried to call my mother on the phone that you had left, but impossible to establish a connection.
I even went to Bastille early evening, but it seemed impossible to find you.
I hope everything went well for you.
I hope to next time.

[E-mail to Heleen D.]

09/10 at 12:26 Subject: Re: Happy Birthday!
Thank you for your message my dear Heleen,
No, I have not received your card ... but I already saliva.
For the week of November 29 to 4, I do not have to give seminar for the Institute Galen ... so I might be more available, even though I may have to still give some private lessons (but I do not have large preparations for these interventions).
I made a trip to Paris, saw my mom and my brothers but not my father who, after reading my Journal (which I had sent by e-mail) does not want to see me .. . The truths about him, in the mode pamphleteer, he does not have probably liked. He should send me a mail ... and this will not the softness of a birthday card.

Tuesday, October 10, 0:05
Given the first part of the documentary searched devoted to Mitterrand. The tone is resolutely neutral, describing the contrasts of life, to say the least extraordinary, all in muted keys in suggestions lobbies opaque, with a few strokes of brilliance to the point. Its role, its role should I say, in the Fourth Republic, as the Vichy era, have revealed (or confirmed) the ambivalence of an attitude where the intelligence of the situation sometimes took precedence over the Ethics required.
Tonight recovery from the 1958 and its 23 years of opposition ... which was worth fourteen years of practice (more or less upset) of presidential power.
First seminar given in a lecture hall of the School of Nursing medical students from Grange-Blanche. Overview of Doctor Faustus, Knock and Pascal.

[E-mail to Claire D.]
10.10 to 11:19
Subject: Vagrancy
[I dined tonight with the person who is likely to lend me his apartment.]
I cross fingers for you then .. . ouch! difficult to virtual.
me I gave my first seminar for medical students in a classroom of school nurses: wandering between doctors Faust, Pascal (Zola) and Knock. I could do some skating at Parc de la Tete d'Or in Lyon with the sun and not a cat (to crush). In fact, you know make (I hope I do not have you ever wondered, if I liquefies the bulb!). Otherwise
RAS soon.
At 11:28 p.m.
Subject: Full Moon Night
decor wise, with a little wink to your first pair of shoes.
I'm also a little anxious thinking about your party: Provided that it works! At that hour (23 hours) you should know.
For rollers, if you come one day in Lyon, he will lead them to be rolled together ... hehe.
I finished my evening before the end Dechavanne: hackneyed theme, --- tonight) the irrational, crazy with witnesses.
This, my dear Claire, with a thought for you. See you soon.

[E-mail to Claire D.]
Wednesday, October 11 at 12:16 PM
Re: A ray
[The evening went well. He must leave me the keys Saturday as usual.]
This is good news indeed ... Such terrorism might night to reach you in your health. This lease term is it determined?
[Today it is a wonderful time in Paris.]
Each turn for time: for me gray mixture of cold, rain and wind ... to stay under the duvet. Unfortunately I have to rescue some philosophical knowledge to a lovely high school senior, then continue with a seminar for chemists: science and information, eugenics, euthanasia, medicine in the seventeenth ... exciting issues that do not you think? There's a
Lyonnais lucky!
Will you need a helping hand to move your some business?
I embrace and quickly. At 11:41 p.m.


Dear Claire,
[My ex ask me questions as: How will I live alone, I'd be unhappy if I have not heard from him? Would I not give her?]
I see the beginnings of inner torment in your questions, and I hope it will be only temporary and that this facility will be a sign of rebirth.
I would not parasitize this situation but I am offering you the opportunity that I have: my student's parents have preferred to come to Paris this weekend and offered me if I had usefulness, join in their journey.
So here are my questions: would you let me see, would you have time, you want a hand, a friendly company to deal with this transition? I embrace
and good luck to you.

[E-mail to Claire D.]
Thursday, October 12 at 12:37 PM Me and my big
characters! Sorry this placarding bright blue! Here I
Arial size ten, more incognito.
[In fact, I think on reflection that I will not be available or in my head or in terms of timing.]
I'll see if I actually do this trip because I need to find friends to meet. Of course you can call me whenever you want.
The time of sedimentation seems a wise decision and making the most of your family.
me today, I stay home to take care of a read report a work of a student's parent ... Almost lazy in fact.
I embrace. Sunday, October 15


Finally, the documentary Mitterrand: the novel of power is complete, even the fake attack the gardens of the Observatory is treated. What multifaceted existence! How hard to realize his ambition, what ability not to be buried after a faux pas, sometimes very serious. I definitely do not belong to this category of individuals. Home, the indentation becomes a rule and the relationship to disability (or lack of taste).
Ardisson lurking in that night. He seems happy in a world of acrobats. In colorful sweater he has lost none of its verve. He also, quite a size to be reborn from its ashes, but a shift that seems final.
The conflict of 100 years?
Boujenah Michel gave us a few minutes lyricism serious advocate for peace in the Arab-Israeli conflict. The Secretary-General Kofi Annan has also struggled to absurd lengths to reach an agreement in principle to a meeting in Egypt, the two leaders. Pixie yet another meeting that does not calm people, including Palestinians. Moreover, Arafat opened his infects Pandora's box: the most dangerous Islamists ready for suicide bombing have been released.

[E-mail to Heleen D.]
Monday, October 16
Heleen My dear, I have been
your card and I thank you ...
I just changed my printer, mine has expired (dead motherboard). The new, lightweight and small prints of thunder!
How are you and how goes your work?
Do you have any information for your stay?
I kiss you hard.

[E-mail to Claire D.]
16.10
Dear Claire,
How was your weekend and this famous move?
Are you finally installed and you like it you in this apartment?
I hope I have good news from you.
I embrace and am whole-heartedly with you.

[E-mail to Claire D.]
Tuesday, October 17 at 9:47

[Saturday night we went out with Yves. We went to bed at three o'clock! He speaks of holidays, weekends together. In any case, it was adorable.]
This is an unexpected twist and I hope that bodes well. Then again I make a wish ...
I'm not finally come to Paris.
Walking is fine, but I do not often put my pedometer on the side ... On average I have to turn around 2 to 3 kilometers daily.
For me the weekend has been withdrawn: time ch ... Lyon and nobody to see. I could forward a report on a work in progress. Have you received the file from my Journal ? My favorite Dutch
must come to Lyon for a week's holiday from October 28 to November 5.
the best, then, in this unexpected renaissance. I hope
see you soon. At 11:40


[Why Renaissance? Why unexpected twist? I do not understand. What did I do or what did I say? What's your wishes?]
Okay, so since I am also elliptical, I light my words: Renaissance
the possibility of a life shared between you and Yves. Flip
unexpected, because it seemed to me that you had reached the point of no return in this story who clearly test you.
My hope is obviously that your work history, this time for good.
I hope you do not suspect me of other thoughts ... and my explanations are sufficiently clear.
I embrace.

at 14:51
[Because you really think that our history could be reborn? Do you think that our physical separation is a chance for us]
I am touched that you address these questions, and I wish I could bring you useful answers.
Your feelings still exist and were never destroyed, but most likely abused. I believe that this physical separation has the great advantage (for you) to dissipate the pressure of a daily report tormented. Of there may come (his side) the real desire to build completely with you. This lack of you, I can easily imagine, will perhaps because of his selfishness now. In any case, the only thing we can hope. This distance on your side you will know if actually elected, whatever happens ...
My answer until a student who is learning French.
I embrace. With all my friendship.

[E-mail to Heleen D.]
17.10 to 3:51 p.m.
Dear Heleen,
revealing slip in your message: you indicate your arrival for the 28 ... August!
Do not expect to weather this period: greyness and rain rather you remember your country ... The Rhone seemed to be still in bed.
I'm very happy to see you again ... You still have friends Netherlands, in Lyon, I think.
I embrace you strong.

[E-mail to Claire D.]
Wednesday, October 18 at 8:49
Dear Claire,
I am unfortunately not wired and I can not see my ramblings film, which should also be disseminated in November, I think. In
cleaner my column "sent items and received, "I found traces of your first post Nov. 19, 1999. Out of curiosity, I looked at my old diary and I found the date of our first meeting: Tuesday, October 26, 1999 at 12:15 pm at Metro Convention! You see, we will soon celebrate our one year!
That was my topic nostalgia.
I embrace. At 12:21


[Thanks for your posts, I love them very much. (...) You see I take care of me.]
This is a touching overview Claire. What a great sensitivity you have.
I do believe that a timetable can only charge friendly do you good ... especially do not remain isolated. I experienced this situation by choice (and I saw probably still in exile geographically) and it takes a very special character to endure, even enjoy, solitude in all. On
sleep, I am in a reverse situation: difficulty falling asleep at night I have to wait 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning to let me slip into dreams. So take this sleep early, it is certainly rebuilder.
For me, life goes on without particular salience, if not the hustle and bustle ... Heim sent me a very touching message yesterday telling me not to worry, that my book would come out soon, but that pain in the hands slowed his work. I look forward to seeing it published ...

Saturday 28, I'll be in Paris with Heleen, came from the Netherlands, my brother Karl, his girlfriend and her mom. One way to celebrate our birthdays (Karl and I are in October) we will see a show on The Ten Commandments . Then back to Lyon for a week of sweet reunion ... I have the least possible rendezvous in order to devote myself to it ... I know that this story will not work long term, I think must take the sweet and intense moments that are available ... Heleen and it has insisted on coming to see me (1000 km drive). That
dear Claire, I wander too and hopefully not too drunk, hey hey.
I kiss you and hope to read you soon. Loving thoughts.

at 21:40
[Given the psychological state of Yves and the medication he swallows against stress, anxiety and insomnia, I understand he does not know yet what he wishes for us today.]
Since you ask my opinion on Yves, psychological state and your obsessions, that basically what comes in my foggy cogito:
First, it is quite legitimate that you have these fears and this only reinforces the authenticity of your feelings for him. All we suggest you (we Lyons!) Lack for entertainment will initially have little control over these thoughts, but time will work its calming, soothing, leveling ...
I did not realize (unless you do me hast not said before) that Yves was undermined by psychotropic drugs. This parameter actually essential to understand his attitude vis-à-vis you, but the obvious question : The root cause of this is making it directly linked to your report or to himself?
I think, anyway, his wise decision not to decide anything until he had freed from this hateful chemistry parasite. Once detoxified there will be time to take stock and start for a clearer (by rereading I see the lovely pun unintended) adventure.
For some time, it is not the model reading my last moments before joining Morpheus, duffel bags, but the writing: the eye near the leaves of my book-Journal, I look at my pen drag on small tiles , extract the black to give shape my thoughts are more raw ... Latest reflective moments which I have often forgotten the next morning it's like a purge of what was stored during the day. Sometimes trivial, sometimes terrible.
Ultimately, I do not know if I did well to address to you the years 98 and 99 of my Journal given their sometimes somber tone ... This is perhaps not the time.
[Can we say that there is a great sensitivity and less beautiful?]
What I mean by great sensitivity with you:
Probably one of the things that attracted me to your house and I soon found our first meeting. Unlike a simple feminine sensibility, sometimes drifting into sentimentality, even hysterical dramatization, you finesse honest approach situations with a strong character, determined, making it more beautiful the expression of your feelings and your analysis of things.
It's like an aristocratic attitude in the original sense of the word. That
dear Claire, I hope I answered everything ... And I remain available to all deepen-ing ... My thoughts denser.

[E-mail to Heim]
18.10 Cher at 9:39
Heim
I really got your message really touched me. I'm not worried about my work, but for this pain that infect your existence. I hope that treatment will be up.
I kiss you hard. Thursday, October 19


Since our last interview in Paris, provided exchange e-mails with the alluring Claire D. Met our end in October 1999 reports were limited to occasional new data. This new attempt gives rise instead to a form of emotional connection. Affected psychologically by a break in love life, while the feelings persist, it is feeds which may, in its friendly surroundings, the ease or entertain. She seems to appreciate my written interventions, kissing me "affectionately" and asking my opinion on certain points. Following his request, I've emailed some of my Hash (years 91, 98 and 99) she seems to appreciate the tone.
I am very impressed by his personality, his well-shaped silhouette, with its
captivating glance through her hair of fire, for her outfits with bold dosage, but I am also aware of the infinitesimal possibility of a romance between us. Even if I should be a more or less brief companion of a poorly marked road, I'll be delighted. Ultimately be only a passage in the lives of hundreds of people counted in an existence that can not leave the best of what we could offer this or that, without overloading the core of the unnecessary perpetuation often withers density first. On
Arte, seen in one eye (the other set on the message to Claire) filmed biography of the composer conductor Leonard Bernstein. A life of passion that exuded his whole person breathed in all his actions a density unmatched. The determination to live for which it is believed that allows access only to one direction at a utility existential, even riddled with errors, failures and dead ends. Elodie
Passage in a headlock through a text by Pascal on the greatness of man to know each other miserable. I camped with maximum emotional diplomacy, the role of the tyrant teacher or initiator in philosophy. Always adorable and bubbly, always iron teeth to chew the polished wood pens, it gives me an appointment to 16 hours Vaise station next Thursday for me to accompany her on her bus route, before another meeting of cogitations misty and unbridled.

[E-mail to Claire D.]
19/10 at 21:43
Psychotropic cover neuroleptics, antidepressants, tranquilizers and mood stabilizers.
this weekend so you go visit a friend? I wish you a stay that you relax to the fullest.
[I like your look, it helps to have some perspective on what I saw.]
I feel a little empty tonight ... a kind of intellectual hibernation ... So I will not dwell on this message, it will avoid the nonsense.
soon. Friday, October 20


Also in these extensions before I m'essaye writing. At the corner of some research in my small room tote, I fell on my class pictures from the fifth (82-83) at the end (87-88). A strange feeling to see some boiled comrades most probably installed today.
Darkly Christopher D., early ideas of extreme right passion for cars and with whom one could feed a conversation, Stephen D., a hypersensitive strong family history drama, bad student sensitivity and intelligence developed, Agnes C. Chilean origins I think, a little round and dynamic, and having lost weight, but not his kindness; Marie-Pierre B., whom I love, whom I had made progress, so that she was sick, and who had received in his pajamas in his bedroom.

In high school Aline L. course (which I have not heard since his wedding), Cecilia M., which I realized afterwards that it was more than like me (she had illustrated my poems published in the school newspaper, Comma Point), David Z., installed from the United States ... These are the figures that I have left, beyond the simple lines of the face.
Will it be that the solution to the Middle East goes through a laissez faire, that is to say not to try mediation and let them kill each other until the end, until that they understand the absurdity of the violence or until both sides have annihilated each other?

[E-mail to Claire D.]
20.10 to 9:43 p.m.
[What are you doing this fine weekend? I hope you'll come out a little history
you change your mind! What happens suddenly it in your heart and in your head?]
Passenger, passenger this sloppiness ... a relaxing night gave me a little spring. And you how changing your psychological state?
For me, this weekend does not bode truly transcendent side distraction. I'll refine my report on Love according to St. Alban see my ex girlfriend Sandra for an overview of new and recovered a bunch of keys (I let him double in case of loss of mine because it's silly to leave them at home!) to Heleen. The girl arrives in Paris Saturday, 28 where I find her. For the rest, rest, corrective reading my Journal (always this desire for perfection) and, if there is a ray, a small tower at the park's head of Gold.
Heart and head are a bit torn by contradictions in me that I must overcome.
And you glimpse how are you this weekend with your friend Gaëlle?
I hope we meet again soon. This link to me invaluable.
I kiss Claire.

Saturday, October 21
Internet grows there in debauchery? Yesterday evening, so there are a few minutes, I strive to do some research literature on the sites of the BNF and the municipal library of Lyon. For those of TGB, including Gallica, a terse message shortens all hope: the fire of an electrical conduit EDF network, which occurred Oct. 6 (bad gift for me), has necessitated the closing "for a period yet undetermined. " IT departments must of course be in the lot of the inaccessible. Wonderful showcase of international heritage conservation bookish French! The pamphlet The collapse of the TGB , published in the collection Encyclopedia nuisance, was right. The last major work Mitterrand gets wet, and now the fire from all sides.
For the Lyon after a few minutes of access, all pages requested can not be displayed. Result: no cultural investigation. However, the site of adult ass AlA4 works perfectly.
No news this week Nathan. Maybe she thought I was getting Heleen, unless it has met with great love. I was not overly missed. Sign that does not disappoint. Claire, her, I miss when we have that emotional relationships via email.

[E-mail to Claire D.]
Tuesday, October 24 at 10:03
[We accompanied my parents on Saturday at the airport. They went to Peru.]
Peru! this exotic destination. They [parents Gaëlle] have visited many countries like that? Why?
Sorry for the death of your cat ... I also had some penalties in the loss of animals, including dogs (low red cross shepherds Beauce) as Ouarin, Tual ...
[And you, your weekend?]
My weekend was very sunny and I have therefore made the most ... The light therapy should be truth, I even befriended a German student for a quarter in Lyon before returning to the United States (definitely, not just to meet a Lyon in Lyon!)
[Yves seems to be better. He wants to rebuild before restoring our lives. Is it sincere enough in the long term he still thinks the same thing?]
hard to get into the head of Yves to gauge his sincerity. Anyway, a good sign: the appeasement of both sides and the fact that you ended for the better.
Danger ago, to live each of your side, but the price risk for genuine reconstruction. You, do you see yourself losing it really?
I wonder what a real woman for him ... I think the least mature of the two is not you ... the cause of your separation evidenced ... You're already a real woman, and certainly much more mature than many of your age ... Here I do not agree at all to this point. Do not spill the respective defects.
[News about the publication of your book?]
My work is always on the grill, no date set for publication ... I take this opportunity to slowly make a remedial reading ... but its publication was confirmed to me ... Just a matter of planning.
Good luck for your work loading ... For my part, I had confirmation of my speeches at the University of Lyon III in early 2001 (99%) and, starting next week, I'll take care of general culture for four hours per week of BTS in a private ... Here, I return to the finalization of my book report ...
Although happy with this time writing with you ...
soon, I embrace you. Friday, October 27


In Exhibit on France 3, extensive excerpts from the famous cassette Mery. Nothing new eventually, if not able to identify more specifically certain procedures and some fraudulent interlocutors.
The man seems in any case, perfectly master the subject it addresses. It seems deeply hurt, disappointed by the false promises. If had unpacked it in full presidential election, Chirac would never have been elected. Betray fraudsters professionals, talented special effects may seem incidental, except when those after betraying want to believe their honesty.
Finally some really repressive measures against motorists who practice unsafe speed. Some nerds shouting at flywheel abnormality. Straw! What is abnormal is to let "criminals with premeditation" (expression of Leon Bloy) potential on the roads.

Saturday, October 28, 0:30
Reviewed this week Isabelle M. for the wave at the University of Lyon III: this is confirmed, with further opportunities for collaboration in perspective. Also, I start at the end of next week four hours weekly training the general knowledge test students alternate training with a view to obtaining a tertiary bts. Diversification of my activities that I secure a little more, even if all these collaborations are "fixed term".
Yesterday afternoon, lunch with Jacques L., author of Love by St. Alba, for the delivery of my book report. Interesting personality, but scratched very rational: a career senior executive in industry and writing as a vital need since the age of 35.
This morning at 9 o'clock, starting to Paris where I found my sweet Heleen, Sally, and his friend Karl I. Distractive day in perspective and evening reunion with my carnal Dutch. Tonight, big house in my power to receive worthily. The coming week will be free of all appointments, except my first response to the BTS to the P and a course through Acadomia Saturday morning.
Exchanging e-mails with Claire have been somewhat disrupted due to technical failures. She seems to get better and better.
Sending a card Elodie F. for her 19 years on Sunday.

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