Given yesterday's impressive mural Gladiator Maximus makes a game a circus rather than destabilization of illegitimate power.
In 2000, the recipe for "bread and circuses" is always sufficient to control people. Tonight, one of France is happy. Horns and shouts offscreen to a débraillage first choice. After a race a ball is what is causing the noise unpacking. What evolution of human civilization, duffer! Lamentable. Hear policies Jospin and Chirac abound in the direction of good Pople confirms the degenerate character of our polity.
23:30. Visit in late afternoon Flo J.
Throughout this conversation, I felt ready to fail again, despite his statements critical ... I have not had any sign of complicity. That would have made sense to leave in these muddy roads. I'll get as soon as possible, the pair of tennis racket and left home. Probably our last interview.
Delirium football has replaced the Almighty in our region. The twenty-two incarnations of the god Ball were treated to the hysterical worship of the people came in numbers on the Place de la Concorde. A Lizarazu (?) In Twenty Hours pleasantly surprised that by a clever speech.
Wednesday, July 5, 0:30
Continued work on Hash , year 96. Curious impression on reading the correspondence Sandrine (I must return to its myriad of questions for them to be high on my answers, restoring a dialogue, sometimes). This immersion in the inflammatory statements, donations from home, unlimited projects, and ultimately a balloon illusions quickly revealed.
Tonight, falling film (given the nice but somewhat complacent comedy Jet Set ) I see my little boy and his Arab neighbor. Exchange kisses and a few words and his face had resumed nice colors and beautiful skin texture. Mystery that this unstable young woman and I do anything to woo the world: the danger does not leave me loupiote not at peace. Elo
and F. called me to a forthcoming dinner invitation. The girl, who has probably done my number on the request of his mother, seemed somewhat distant as if I became, once assisting less interesting. Masochism, paranoia? If I get the chance, I would ask him directly, it will avoid the intellectual masturbation which I devote myself often in these pages. But is not it a little clean diarist?
Playing of Film pornographic cheapest World Fred Romano. Last love of Coluche, it is a sign of the clown testimony with a scalpel and his universe. Terrible contrast when you think it was probably one of the ten most influential French ideas on population.
Thursday, July 6, 0:30
Very pleasant evening with the family F. Dinner at the cool evening air with tasty kebabs, then down in the old Lyon to delight in enchanting fragrances and frozen in Nardone. Elo A more beautiful than ever in a little black dress to scream (like the wolf in Tex Avery), still as dippy and enjoyable. I can not explain how its presence is an ecstasy of every moment, it delights me with its fresh vitality, intoxicated by her femininity transpiring. I wish I could never leave her for a moment, take a thousand percent every moment with him. Its effect on me soon ever: the sullen misanthrope becomes happy, lively, funny and even hilarious. And I laugh, which delights me every time. If I could be bound to it by blood, by mutual feelings, my mood, my report to the world had been shaken. But as I often dwell on the bank. Tuesday, July 11
Reviewed Marie-Pierre C. Damien and his companion came in
region for the "Festival of Calypso" organized by the four school friends who now flirt with thirty years. Eugenie, Lucy, Marie and Pierre Raphael, four funny ladies (Damien, by a sleight of hand graph has cloned one for the poster and invitation cards) that can be found ... Charly, in the beautiful property of the last of them. Nearly a hundred guests, twenty gallons of punch, solid galore, music galore ... 
complicity around. I much prefer the smaller committees that do not persuade me to adopt the anonymous profile. Marie-Pierre always adorable and appealing, has kindly worried about my case on several occasions, but I reassured her every time. I left four verses improvised on the large white canvas stretched to accommodate the guests of Scriptural delusion. I watched last night Mary at any price with Nathalie U., my lover of the moment. Flash: the dear Elo, to be its results today, has the same type of face that Cameron Diaz: an adorable little face all round. Freshness
into the bowl Lyon last few days. We are not far from July rotten.
yesterday I finished typing the year 96, the cumulative Hash currently 550 pages. I do not know if the correspondence is always integrated this literary interest. I deleted the porn or too flimsy. [...] The sign still appears to indicate the site of amputation. Received Wednesday
very luxurious card invitation to the wedding of John Shue and that, moreover, notify the civil ceremony which took place in Paris. The text is in English: I did not even try to understand. What I do humbug!
Friday, July 14, 1am
Contrary to the presumption of the late hour, I have done no nocturnal wanderings through the streets of Lyon. Evening with me, some dialogues on the Internet and the continued entry of Hash . The year 97 is nearing completion and with 600 pages.
Starting tomorrow, an additional urgent task Read all seven books in the program of medicines and pharmacies Grange Blanche, whose list was faxed to me yesterday, with ten days late.
classics for medicines: Faust of Goethe, Knock (Jules Romains), Dr. Pascal Zola and less traditional therapy of English David Lodge. Secondarily, despite the recommendation of her doctor Molière, Pantagruel of Journey to the End of the night and Passage of Reverzy. Topic to discuss: the image of doctor of medicine in the literature.
For pharma, works much less literary Taking care, writing Winckler, Science shared of Kourilsky and To heal past F. Lebrun. The summer will allow me to swallow it all ...
Monday, July 17, 1:50
The Hash 91-99 is finally grasped in its entirety: just over 650 pages. I hope to do better for the new decade started.
My weekend of three days may remain as a model eremitism: with a chilly and cloudy weather, with a somber mood, with a heightened isolation, shut himself has become naturally. Not omitting to make my 80 pumps daily to maintain the carcass, I wandered among Therapy Lodge, Dr Pascal Zola, and my input of Journal pamphleteer, with the bottom of the Tour France cyclist. Activity wise retiree after all, not a bit festive. My current lover
, Nathalie, called me a lot, but I rejected any proposal to live my withdrawal from the world. I appear very clearly as the main architect of my solitude oppressive. Dissatisfied, mostly, of current acquaintances, those who fled would fill me (or that I think as such) I saw a constant psychological trauma, unable to build on what is within reach, always in a position to look to the unobtainable relationship. I am weary ...
Forgot to note the physical correspondence between the face Elo F. (Which I have not phoned his results in French, a bad sign?) And Cameron Diaz seen in About Mary (turnip uninteresting comic). This is a typical example of an intellectual masturbation my secret. Nothing will ever happen between that girl and me, yet I focused ... Dirty habit for me to demobilize a real story. [E-mail to Claire D.] - 17.07.
Dear Claire,
What are you? I tried to send you a message when I was notified of the change of address, but without success.
Do you plan to be in Paris and available this summer or in the South: I was glad to see you again?
soon. I embrace you. Loïc.
Friday, July 21, 1h
Advancement within Hash: everything is typed, is the latest fixes. I can link on right after the development of the index of names cited. The tedious perspective.
Solitude anchored and I see no way out. My relationship is not taking off and my mood darkened further.
New method to impose its wage claims: threat of terrorist actions. A Givet, employees have adopted this strategy successfully. Always the soft underbelly of democracy. For me, as an employer demolished at one time, it is the commercial courts that I should pour acid or plastic.
Saturday, July 22, 0:30
All corrections Hash spent on the computer, and collation of different years in two large computer files for a total of over 600 pages.
also completed tonight's Doctor Pascal Zola's father, the last of the Rougon-Macquard fresco program of medicines White Barn for the year 2000-2001. Scene of horror for me, much more than violent crime: the destruction by the hysterical old woman, Felicity misery, all the work of wise Pascal freshly deceased. Thirty years of research went through the flames unbearable frustration. It reminds me of the act of destroyed by my brother Bruce in a page of my Journal teenage (I had between 13 and 15) terribly pamphleteer against his action. Who stole my little notebook (with integrated lock frail) he tore the page incendiary and reduced to ashes.
Sullen Sunday, July 23 Saturday to Sunday, as myriads I sacrificed. Finally, I abstracted from the world, my asserting Quarantine unstoppable, I have no hope of that life. Lamentable fate of destruction, collapse intellectual, existential sloppiness. Thirty years for disaster silent, clandestine and pathetic. So many meetings to no complicity, no sharing does emerge. To the best of those I've met, I am only a very vague memory. Death is not far.
Today I have a drink at the Golden Head with Eve, as recommended by the mother of Marie-Pierre C. .. Having visited for ten minutes in his shop of organic products, I already know he does not born of emotional connection. I feel no transport, just excited by the idea of a new sexual conquest. When the that will make me truly the heart beat and feels the same disorder, in ensuring we do the greatest good will cross my path? Already I see a middle-aged and old age alone, if courage does not make me sway me before that dismal outcome.
Monday, July 24, 0:40
Seen Eve Sunday afternoon at the Golden Head. Enjoyable time for discussion, but I can not consider other than friend and / or lover. This accumulation seems difficult in view of his character.
Major work on the index of names of Hash that will, hopefully, all the diversity spheres discussed.
David Lodge, Therapy , diarist uses the genre to its main character. Journal of false which includes "white" calculated. Mine (up to seven or nine months I think) are more or less voluntary, and my silence probably unconsciously maintained.
For example, I met this dear Shue in April or May 1996, just as I begin my story with Sander in his mutual exclusivity. The transplant could not be sentimental place with my favorite Persian which, in turn, was probably felt by an absolute silence in my Journal this year (unless already taken and compensated by the production correspondence).
Similarly, later, my emotional complicity 
with Marianne D. B., near the Mouffetard street below, with whom the agreement could be grounded if I was single. Now in exile in England, and certainly in the household, it symbolizes my hall of lost opportunities. Another form of waste, among the many experienced. My correspondence with
Sander certainly has kept the traces "live" on the evolution of our relationship and my state of mind, but my life has cut everything that did not fit our duality.
Do not say anything, even a Journal it delights, but at least leave a trace of figures who have marked my life. Shue and Marianne are part and not included unfortunately little or no (on late to the resplendent Iran) in the Hash 91-99.
Chirac has done its number on the G8. Shunned by the short-legged on Putin accuses France of having seized a Swiss creditor Zedov the mighty (?) Came paraded in Brest, our props Elysian has renewed early link by some linguistic somersaults worthy of the venerable Vermot Almanac (such as: if we did not have before the show, referring to the side a little glitter G8 we had in hand from the cold at the time of the Iron Curtain). What redneck great, joyful and full of spirit, it is this president for a laugh ...
catalog enriched beyond the grave echoes of Gilbert Denoyan. I followed a few years with great pleasure, every Friday night, his show Objection which brought together Estier, Duroy, Amouroux, in particular, which struggled with verve and finesse of the vagaries of the news (mostly political) .
Tuesday, July 25, 0:30
Back concert of the Cranberries given to ancient Roman Theatre in the context of Nights Fourvière . The singer of the group, three months pregnant, has carried out its stall voice with a mastery of the highest caliber. Just before
glass taken with St. John's Eve, in the heart of old Lyon. I am puzzled about the way things should take our report is that, for now, as cordial. I do not see any passion or live a great love with her, and I do not think a purely sexual relationship suits him. Maybe I should just keep it as friendly complicity. I tâterai field next time anyway.
Reruns, before yesterday, a tribute to "Mr. Blier. A keen intelligence, aware of his body schema and its huge capacity 
actor, a cheekiness that could only multiply the effectiveness of dialogues Audiard. The "j'éparpille ... j'disperse ... j'ventile "addressed to the absentee Lino Ventura, who has just dealt him a good punch and powerful sounding, really enjoy every time. How pathetic to find him so cheerful, one month before his death, came out to receive his honorary Cesar: all emaciated, weak from all the fibers, they struggled in all. Fortunately, The Tontons flingueurs are there to the camp in his resplendent comic.
Wednesday, July 26, 11:58 p.m.
Yesterday, 4:44 p.m., two minutes after takeoff, the big bird Concorde crashed between two hotels in Gonesse, killing one of two buildings and decays with all its occupants. One hundred thirteen victims, the majority of wealthy Germans in retreat, leaving for New York which was to begin a cruise paradise. Up to 70 000 francs per head Pipe paid (more Concorde cruise) finally carbonized. France Info, tracking all the commotion of battle of Big Media has been busy in analysis, research evidence, assumptions, gleaning information from all quarters. The shock wave reached the United States, unique destination of the thirteen (twelve now) Concordes divided between Air France and British Airways.
Hell Gonesse, its people, will be multiplied in its psychological impact and still keeps a number: about five hundred thousand annual overflights of planes taking off or landing, that is to say low altitude.
Saturday, July 29, 0:30
Seen Eve tonight, with whom I flirted a bit yesterday, which forms the attraction to tilt to debauchery. Probably we will go no further after my glasnost sentimental: my state of mind, 'I said, I do not bear to live a duality in love. Friend, yes, sweetheart, with delight; impossible love ... his good education and character will probably not do this carnal comfort for me.
finish at the Golden Head Therapy by David Lodge: fictional journal of a man age couples, having succeeded socially, but in psychological distress and, in turn, undermined his health before his rebirth.
By selecting the best parts of my life, developing them in detail and decoration, by the suggestion of some keywords, linking it all, finally, to achieve consistency of romance, this could constitute a salable story . .. A parallel with
Lodge: when his character, Lawrence Passmore, goes in search of her first love, forty years later. I did the same, but with only three years back, when I went ( booth in pocket) Trappes to find the home of the Venusian Aurora. My vision of her at the Gare Montparnasse, more beautiful than ever, shocked to find me there, will remain as one of my most intense emotions ... The gallery comes alive with opportunities lost my ghosts. Heim
find last hundred and fifty pages of the Journal pamphleteer (since early 98 then) a literary bill much higher. Is this due to the simple effect of passing years, this wisdom that guides you to the most effective evocation? Is this beneficial influence of various courses given that sharpens my writing skills, degreased my style, short-circuits the literary freebies?
Seal's latest album, discovered there are two or three years at a small record shop in the Rue Mouffetard, is full of inspirational music . He accompanied my pen tonight.
The narrowness of my material universe does not divest myself of my wandering ratings, only a fragile livelihood of creativity and a testimony shifted torn between the obsessive quest for that which his heart and delight the senses and the preservation of this independence to Leautaud (With the notoriety and literary menagerie less). An authentic and banal anonymity as mine, if I paradeur . Other
amusing parallel with the fiction (but how?) Lodge: how to make some of my points about the "i" or my accent, when "r" follows the "E" is the same as that of Maureen, the first love of the "hero": "(...) its" i "surmounted by a small circle. I think she finally had this idea about commercials Biro pens. "
Sunday, July 30
New practice in social demands within a business: the terrorist threat. Blow everything up if you is not heard. The employer should be in tune: explosion Tronches if employees threaten the company's business through their incompetence, their laziness or sabotage.
The filled Kourilsky (Collège de France and Institut Pasteur) tries to polemics denouncing the role of Big Media in the dissemination of scientific knowledge and its movements or breakpoints . Science in sharing his pilloried, including the apparent delusions Benveniste and his poetic "water memory". Editorial errors if the halo journal Nature and pontificating World amplifièrent awkwardly (and insidiously) what would have stunted for Kourilsky, a short-lived adventure in pseudo-scientific name of the sacrosanct principle of reproducibility observations. Without such rigor, it remains on the bank counter opinions with test tubes as a disinhibiting foam.
Could we make the same rule of descent in the immanent Big Media for his method of treatment of news? A further outside the sun of the Golden Head. The duffel solo better fit.
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