Friday 1st December at 5:41 p.m.
If by chance you were still at your post I'm sending this cuckoo on an air of Gerald de Palmas.
Finally, I delayed my arrival in Paris tomorrow, 14 o'clock, and I'll take the opportunity to visit some friends in Paris.
I (you and your sister) wants a good weekend, and perhaps to Sunday late afternoon.
Eh hop!
Monday, December 4, 0:15
Back from Paris. Could not see Claire, monopolized by his sister, but long moments with the lovely Aurora. We are celebrating our ten years since our first meeting.
we had lunch at the restaurant and I ordered an omelette. After a decade, it retains this fresh and captivating aura. What a pleasure not to have lost sight of and be Witness the emotional journey of his existential. Pleasant evening with mom and Jim and John with Bruce (who came second part). I learned from Jim the main reason for the failure the pater, from reading my Journal . He finds "disgusting" that I could spend as few pages to him, his wife Anna and their two children and Raph Ales Egocentrism is such that it takes an unacceptable affront to my interests in things " innocuous. " What motive incongruous! Since when the literary genre of Journal
should be scientifically calibrated (and On what criteria?) on the topics? My contacts with him and his family have always been so sporadic that I lived a daily life with animals of the castle. 
literature. He himself wrote one piece in tribute to his late mother, while his poems deal with feelings that might be deemed insignificant? If this is confirmed in the letter that we should send to everyone, I would have to remind him of the basic rules for a diarist. A new legal success for me. Received a copy of the ruling by TASS in the case of Laon SCiv / URSSAF. The court acknowledged the existence of an "exceptional case" in this case the negligence of the graft, to prevent the discharge of SCI increases of late claimed. My findings were followed by the President of that court. A good point I can give me is so rare! Go
telephone tonight with Heim, presumably to set the end of the association Hisloc . My publishing activity has stopped in the past year for many reasons: primarily a derisory compensation, in terms of work, and a growing lack of time.
[E-mail to Claire D.]
04.12 at 6:21
Dear Claire,
Even though I had a great weekend, I am very disappointed not being able to see you. And completion came when you suggested me to stay Sunday night while my commitments forced me to return to Lyon this morning ...
If you are available the next weekend (9 & 10) or after (16 & 17) and am ready to spend it, I would not come for you. I would be really fun.
I embrace.
at 13.22 [6:22 I see the message you sent. You fell out of bed or your clock has lost?]
No, my alarm clock is perfectly on time. I got up at six o'clock this morning for my response to 8 hours.
busy you are ... so too bad for me.
nice day.
No midnight Monday. I am letting off steam at my wit my lecture for Medicine Grange Blanche. The subject: the perception of the hospital in critical Therapy by David Lodge. I ordered a few notes on three areas allowed me to take my almost 1:30 on this topic. One my digressions, the most significant, focused on the issue Taboo broadcast on France 3 which dealt with a rare mental disorder: a man and a woman wishing at all costs to be amputated one or both legs above the knee (center of the suffering of the character of Lodge!). Apart from this staggering around, they show perfectly normal, and even (for English) with keen intelligence with a power arguments to defend their quest to none. I write these few lines to listen to standards incorporated by engaging Björk, on several tirades harp. First
speech this morning at P, for a small committee (three people) in preparation for a vocational baccalaureate. Very good contact. Wednesday, December 6
An hour in the morning is happily overwhelmed and I will not finish the show Dechavanne. Short tour in the land of alternative medicine, called soft, and condescension of the official one that can allow itself to misdiagnosis, groping fatal or irreparable gourds.
Our President Chirac is, again, titillated by the cases unclear. Unlike talented Mitterrand, who could hide as a master, Chirac does not seem to reach to contain the flow of Big Media and interrogator Co. Will he have the right to strollers soon left the Elysee? Before
deeper into the dreams, I'll read a few pages on Dear Pierre Botton.
[E-mail to Claire D.]
Thursday, December 7 at 1:26 p.m.
Dear Claire, I emerge
a little crazy after a few days later work. And you, how are you?
The announcement of a storm back bad memories. Now pay attention to you, if you have to move around.
soon.
[E-mail to Heleen D.]
07.12
Dear Heleen,
My stay in Paris went very well. I'm going to go back for Christmas. 23 to the evening, I will attend a musical evening when one of my brothers participated as a musician. And you what are you doing?
soon.
[E-mail to Claire D.]
Friday, December 8th at 13h23
I had a lot of work because of my stay in Paris, including copies to correct. And it's not over ... I start to relax from 15.
I'll enjoy this evening of the festival of lights in Lyon: beautiful things in the program. This will move throughout the city, hoping it stops floating.
In fact, the storm was not bad though.
I kiss you, wish you a sweet weekend and hope to see you soon.
Saturday, December 9, 1:45
The festival of lights has not been for me. Returned too late to attend the many performances scheduled, I rubbed the crowd en masse, much more unpleasant alone. Heaps unbearable noise, I'm exiled in the cinema Pathe, Rue de la Republique, to see in a deserted room, recent posturing by Jim Carrey in The Grinch .
Still no news for the publication of my Hash . I feel he will not see the day through this route.
the evening. Passage coffee Leffe, Place des Cordeliers.
The winter air, despite its unabashed sweetness, begins on the worst basis. Gutting the boy evil bundle. What
darkens my uprooting is the lack of substitute items. To compensate, I deafens me to the rhythms of melodies distracting.
All around, the exchange premium. Assume the opposite of gregarious because circumstances dictate. I, whose activity is summarized in disseminating knowledge orally, demonstrate, persuade, appreciate, all this vocal cords apart, I frown right out of the sphere. The last
Woody, not toon flick but the American intellectual, is a nice comedy about the human flaws of all classes.
I finally tap into exile most positive, which could open up other spheres.
If I had tried to maintain links with all those seriously popular in Lyon since the beginning of my singleness, I am now surrounded by about thirty people. The self-exile is based only on my own farm when the relationship does not fill me. I play dead to better remove what does not suit the hair to designs centered on the horizon of ivory. In this perspective, nothing ever fill my suns and moons I collected for a dizzying parade.
soon run out of mine, notes Witney H. keep me in the sphere of the sacred.
front of me, two humanoid female type who think themselves the object of my attention.
[E-mail to Claire D.]
09.12 to 18.45
I've seen anything quite significant that Friday came too late, too many people ... I ended up in a deserted movie theater to see a turnip. Grim picture for a festival of lights!
[How are you?]
My health is fine, my morale is stagnating. I do not have outbursts like you right now ... survival rather better or worse, but sometimes wonder if this is really something.
I wish you a good start week.
[E-mail to Claire D.]
Monday, December 11th at 1:37 p.m.
[What are you went to the movies?]
I went Crooks : A good comedy with a vivacity dialog as Woody knows them.
[When you come to Paris in December?]
I'll be in Paris from December 22 to December 26 morning to morning.
To go to Marseilles, you pass through Lyon, right? If you have a match not too fast, you could have a drink, I'm 5 minutes from the station.
nice day. At 2:09 p.m.
Ah is the aircraft that you go ... then I would not have enough spring performance to make you cuckoo.
The turnip is The Grinch with Jim Carrey, despite a wealth of resources ... Well, not really a turnip: my bad frame of mind has made a bad film, but rather for aesthetic and children.
[Well we can not say that it is in great shape today. What happens to it just in your heart?]
What is happening to me? Inability to say. If this isolation is protracted. At 17 years, one of my poems ended with: "Isolated everywhere / Bathed in all / I breathe. I was also happy at the time ...
continued ...
Tuesday, December 12, 0:37
Jean Tiberi was definitely a lot of panache to face gestures miserabilist BPR. Last grime dated: the refusal to approve the budget by those who had participated in its development. Even if I lived in Paris, I was tempted to register as voters and, for the first time to vote ... for Tiberi. Having demonstrated such resistance in dignity it deserves to keep City Hall, especially against the incongruous Seguin, who has probably eaten a goat too, and inconsistent Delanoë, whose charisma is as narrow as its shoulders.
[E-mail to Claire D.]
Wednesday, December 13 at 0:26
[Your absence does not tell me anything good. Are you angry against me? Or is it the sadness of winter brings you to lock yourself and about yourself?]
Claire To be honest, I think
I expected from you things that you can not bring me but I do not blame you, it is against my tendency to throw myself illusions that I bubbly. Your psychology is indeed too noisy for these open wounds, your life is taken too multiplied by your relationship, and I will remain, incidentally, a corresponding user. Finally, it is not so bad, especially when I can buy, so ephemeral status as a confidant.
I came, I did not see you, I went back disappointed, despair in the soul of not even being able to live a few exceptional moments with those (in that case) that I really galvanize . That is the explanation for the withdrawal more or less voluntary: no cumbered not (I'm a little there, but on your request ...) the mind more with my own tears, and probably save me from future disappointments. But, again, you're there for nothing.
Tell me Claire, what are the contents of your two other consignments of 7:21 p.m. 7:19 p.m. ET with attachments that appear large?? So much for this mini
confession. Pending read you, I kiss you.
Wednesday, December 13, 0:28
I had to spend the evening and on Tuesday night at Stephanie.
Just before I met the group of students at the University Lyon III, project tutored Ménival MJC, I get a call from her on my laptop. She always so quick to positiver most problematic situations, a voice full of tears: a terrible traffic accident in Britain, he lost an aunt and a cousin. She joined tonight, his family. I am moved by his despair, hidden somehow, and I awkwardly m'essaye to assure him of my full availability if she needs anything. Claire sent me an e-mail a little fed tonight, wondering if I hated him. I tried to synthesize, in a mini-confession my state of mind. My withdrawal vis-à-vis her, is the gap between the impact it has, despite her on me and what I can expect from our relationship.
head in the air I am. Without my neighbor, my keys disappeared, with the danger of a break in gently. After a descent charge of empty glass bottles (or almost ...) and my bag, and a return to the entrance of the building to clean a few streaks of red wine escapes, I left my outfit for the entrance of the building. A little over two hours later, my neighbor's recovering. Alzheimer's I would watch it?
Every day I meet some lovely figures who join my endless graveyard of missed opportunities.
[E-mail to Claire D.]
13.12 to 1:23 p.m.
[What do you really me? I have the impression that you make me reproach, especially that of having a relational multiplied, to use your words. I feel that you're waiting vis-à-vis me and I'm surprised because at the same time, we hardly know.]
If I'm negative, I have a choice of competing (wink), why do you think the character Claire is out of step was the charge that I think Claire?
In fact, I did not add to your current concerns, and I completely missed my shot. I'm sorry. For your relational
multiplied, it would be stupid of me to make thee reproach. The only thing that could explain my wording is a desire to be associated more with emotional circle that you have.
You have often used the phrase "we hardly know, but I do not think it can prove a hindrance to my desire for more you work with. Not the birth of a strong relationship (whether it is his nature: friendly, emotional or sentimental) was conditioned by a length of time required for attendance. Do not you think?
In any case, the interview of 22 I'm obviously leaving. Do you want me hold your party?
I still hope not to get you too upset. Sincerely yours.
[E-mail to Heim]
13.12 to 10:06 p.m.
Dear Heim
Having not been able to maintain an editorial policy for the association Hisloc , yes I think it must be stopped.
To offset the payments to you and Lorisse, I suggest you either keep the float and I have left to repay in full, or refer the stock in my possession.
If this is the second solution that you want to remember, I propose to adopt the accounts at 31 December and either to leave the association in sleep, or to dissolve it.
I also order a The sign in Lyon : should I send it to Monica?
I kiss you hard.
Friday, December 15 After an exchange of e-mails with Heim decision to return the association Hisloc probably sleep in a very durable, even definitive. I return the remaining stock and formalizes after twelve years of activity, the end of my relationship with publishing. The distance to the castle will not only strengthen it and find my exile forever.
No mention of his hand on the release of Hash, and it's not me who would claim anything. Without a doubt indirect sanction of what may seem like a dropping on my part. The independent survival simply led me to what could very fairly, ensure a minimum financial security. With a job as taking the issue alone could not even give me half of what I can earn in the sphere teaching. If I am not motivated by any ambition, I must ensure a minimum standard of living that publishing activity in this form, do not achieve. Doubtless another mess : I need all the experience!
Chirac, our President, at Poivre d'Arvor, or more exactly ppda received in the castle (nickname given to the Elysée in the seraglio policy) has to attend a number of beautiful rhetoric, with principles and fighting spirit intact.
Tonight, I dine with the Flo Field, before his eventual departure for England.
Sunday, December 17, 0:30
One Saturday evening almost exclusively devoted to the correction of copies Galen. And it goes tomorrow. I increasingly feel that volunteering for the Institute, when I compare the time spent compared to the compensation awarded. This organization is at the bottom of the table of my interlocutors today-payers and also interesting are the areas of mine action, he must put his hand to the purse, otherwise I would try to find something else or extend one of my collaborations in place. I note, moreover, a lack of tact of Mr. G. which has not responded to my request for revaluation of the hourly rate. If careerism bored me to exploit m'insupporte, especially by people with whom I have no relationship other than professional.
Interview with Flo through a pancake with Heleen discovery this summer, went very well. Regards, our link may have more chance of surviving.
Having established my relationship book, since I started university almost exclusively of girls said Desert yet. Once married, the attractive offer little or no news. Shue is the latest illustration.
wait, I envisage nothing existential construction side. I assure the minimum to live, I fill these pages to give me the illusion of usefulness of my time on earth, but, basically, I await the end without apprehension, as the only accomplishment I'm sure of achieve.
9am this morning. I emerge just a very curious dream, in connection with night musical Babou experience that Jim is involved. This will be the night of December 23 to 24 Next, in the Paris area, and I will be in the midst of two or three hundred people expected. The case is not without risk, since money has been invested, including the rental of the place, and it is imperative to bring the world (instead CHF 50) to ensure financial balance.
In my dream, located at about at my grandmother (on a crossing anyway) this evening has been organized as follows: forty registered mail, formatted and sent from the home of the mother of a girl involved in the show, should allow, through word-of-mouth, expected to raise the quota. Drama and aberration, just days before the fateful day, the queue becomes ill, and the decision is made to cancel everything: new explanatory letters to the forty touts potential. It is within this context that I speak with a Jim who keeps the evening and taking on another form of word-of-mouth to save the case. Then I will fight, using all assets argumentative, with the approval of Bruce now (and engaged in the evening), to convince him of actions (calls) to be taken to cancel cancellation. Shortly before my alarm clock, a picture of Jim annoyed by this situation, playing on his guitar with the amp all the way into the main street of Fontes and I, megaphone, to make him see reason. Upon emerging, the lawyer that I still wonder if they have a clause providing for reimbursement of rental expenses in case of cancellation Babou experience due to force majeure. I hope that my fraternal concern is not prescient ...
Monday, December 18, 0:30
The first Blair Witch Project is much more addictive. These three students going to live and shoot some emotions called haunted forest, and did come out more after having fallen into the more psychological terrors, seem more lifelike.
The success of the first draft, unlike the second part, is not to show bloody violence, all based on psychological tension, and found the adventure this space for stifled a forest indefinable. The end of morbid intruder student remains ambiguous. Discomfort you win, as if you were part of the expedition and you were appointed to be the next victim. Everything goes through the cameras of this trio convicted.
S. called me today to offer me very kindly hospitality during my visit to Paris. I might accept for the night of 22 to 23.
23:30. Charles Millon has put together a nice brochure titled 2007 - Lyon as you dreamed . The scenario is fantasized as the tour page: "In March 2001, you elected mayor of Lyon" ... and follow the supposed achievements made, the most spectacular during his tenure. Bold communication that has enabled him to believe it, following advice from the incomparable Fernand Reynaud.
Following duplication of invitations, I would join the Babou experience, if I have the technical possibility that about one o'clock in the morning, after attending an operetta. The contrast may be startling. The show
Exhibits on France 3, devoted to problems of mad cow disease, can only observe the administrative and political failure for fifteen years, the cynical act of financial markets to fatten some industrial .. .
I hold, and up early tomorrow.
[E-mail to Claire D.]
Tuesday, December 19 at 12:59
Dear Claire, I hope
I'm not shunned or persona non grata, but that only keeps you from your occupancy answer.
you soon.
Thursday, December 21, 1:30 am
Back in my nest after a friendly evening at Arbya. The variety of his concerns is like my seclusion Lyon to a hilarious holiday. The behavior of her ex-husband is the sad explanation. This confirms my suspicion towards others and exacerbated an abstinence from all family construction if it does not result from a dual copy complicity. Courses in the sparkling
Elo whose eye black butter, following a ma-lencontreux elbow during one of his basketball games, seemed to recover.
11:58 p.m.. With hints of Björk moving, I let myself be absorbed by the movements of the pen. A few hours of my departure for Paris Christmas, I was torn between joy awaited moments ahead, and various fatigue-set that is getting stronger as the years passed. 
I normally have an interview with Claire tomorrow night. His e-mails have been reduced to a minimum since I am a tad poured on my fondness for her. I will once again scare one of those whose relationship galvanizing me. Why am I only attracted those I do not want? Printing very discouraging to play as a sentimental Sisyphus, who will never have a chance with a lady seducing her. "He Believes In A Beauty" declaims the touching Björk: I believe only my existential damnation. First
holiday season, a long time (and first on my own) where I will not put their feet at the castle. A sign? Undoubtedly making the distance on either side. I Stocks recovered from the MVVF Elah, and next week I return everything (with the best in me) in the north. Mental autonomy in exile will be truly accomplished. Vivotage the ensuing return to me completely. However, and curiously, I am not yet ready to share the things highlighted in this posting: a rejection of a life form is incompatible with my taste for a withdrawal of all, a kind of moral disengagement.
If the first volume of this Journal is not actually released as the promise of Heim, it will probably be for me the beginning of a change course literature.
[E-mail to Claire D.]
21.12 to 5:01 p.m.
I really got your message and I thank you. Friday
For example you can find in the early evening (depending on your time availability) and eat together. I leave tomorrow at 9am.
Wednesday, December 27, 1am
A trip to Paris very true: very nice moments with Claire, gourmet evening (more operetta Dome) with Sally, Karl I. and S., Christmas-friendly home mom with a very touching act of generosity of John, the family reunion G. to complete Traps.
Otherwise, the mood has not found positive angle.
Thursday, December 28, 1:30
The end of the millennium approaches and inspiration does not come off. I'll pass this transition alone, cloistered at home. Friday morning, four large boxes will be taken by a private carrier, directly to: the stock of Hisloc I'm going to sleep ... ad vitam ? Distance with 
north will increase even more. Received
, from Heim a reproduction of Elegy , bronze Hermione. Finesse and inspiration, it makes things very pretty and is presented in a Paris gallery.
Very curious to see the family of my first love. The little sister Agnes, still charming and full of life, has returned from the United States for a few days with her husband of Indian origin. The mother, who has a line of girl, dragged me into her room to show me the treasures of his library. In recent years it has been a separate room with her husband, I found a bit off. The many framed photos of Agnes (couples or single) face one or two of Aurora, and the same number for Caroline, reveal the preferences of a mother become the dominant voice for the forfeiture husband's working. Despite the extreme kindness of these people, I felt the resonance of a subtle surrender to spend more on the tensions experienced. Their daughters parts, home has certainly lost his soul, his life renewed. Mom focuses on his studies (a sketch in progress, after obtaining a dea) and dad supports many chores.
My computer continues its mission to defrag After making a thorough verification of its interiors by Scandisk. I am thus forced to watch. Sunday, December 31
Sandrine keep me company for the damn day like any other. With nothing planned as emotional release festive one as the other, we share a meal with me, sounding Lyon, then will spin in a large darkened room to discover the Unbreakable director of The Sixth Sense . At midnight, the film will not be finished, so we will avoid any special marking for this passage from one millennium to another.
last night and evening spent with Stephanie. This morning, cathartic monologue to further clarify my sense of futility as to one another for the relationship. I do not feel instinctive inclination for it, which has cut my relationship with her which is a vital link in the density and emotional accomplice. This does not fail on some rebound sex insubstantial fads. In short, a loss of reciprocal time.
The idea came to me in the Christmas night: do my Hash a copy literary Blair Witch Project. A warning would prevent that the manuscript was found near the body, crushed through a stack, its supposed author. Drama of the storm in late 99 which put an end to this testimony on the fly. An absurd death of an individual struggling with its failures and contradictions. A 
system reduces to the vision statement of the narrator, whose pen is highly subjective to the reader thread. No news in April 2001, promises made by Heim editing, I would try to approach some great Parisian publishers (including Fayard, home of Madeleine Chapsal).
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